You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
