I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
