my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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