I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
