i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
