oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
