If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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