it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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