I cut my penus on the lid.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
