dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
