btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
