My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize