Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
