I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
