But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
