Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
