Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
