Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
