She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
