i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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