me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All the doctor said was why
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
