alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize