thus making me awesome and them whores
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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