How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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