I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize