so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
