she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i now understand why vodka
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
