I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
