Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
