so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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