I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
