8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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