Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
