Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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