He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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