based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
