His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
