At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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