I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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