the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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