if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There r osticjed everywhere
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
