Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
