dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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