So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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