he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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