these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize