he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
