That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
