p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
