You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
