i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
now i know why i became what i already was.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
