Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
