White coat. Heels.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
