and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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