is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
