I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
