so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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