i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
