The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize