i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
