The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
