She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
