Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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