you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
