i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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