i think i have herpe
just one?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
