I am spending my child support on dildos
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
