that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
