Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
