i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
