no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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