My brain says no but my pants say off.
i love accidental penises.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
