I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
