They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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