But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize