Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
