The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
