i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
