Screwed.edu
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
