I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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