The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
