you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
