Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
