I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize