Rock
Scissors
Fuck
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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