did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
