Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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