3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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