i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can I color on your dick again?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
