maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize