I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
