Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
