I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
