I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
