my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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