I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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