hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I will pee on everything he values.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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