walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
is it fun? or sober?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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