Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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