I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
