Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
