I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
