Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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