ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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